chuju: (118.x)
Daisy Johnson, Agent of SHIELD ([personal profile] chuju) wrote2021-02-08 09:42 pm
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exsto: (44)

[personal profile] exsto 2021-02-11 08:42 pm (UTC)(link)
The admission gets a quiet lift of his chin and a deep sound of understanding; the type of reaction one would have for reminding of an everyday trivial fact. Not that he wasn't a little more interested. He had heard the term being used before, knowing at least the basics of the people who are termed as such. But with his own problems, Bucky hadn't the time or attention to be letting his focus stray beyond his own recovery.

He's about to cut the top of the next bag when he stops and looks at her, quietly regarding the woman and feeling something different. Something he didn't expect -- not with someone he barely knows.

It was a connection.

"And what does that mean beyond you've got a superpower?" Bucky was very serious with his question, especially since once she admitted it, the bottom of her boot was more important. Why was she worried about his reaction? "I've got a metal arm. Doesn't.."

He pauses, suddenly not so sure he believes the words himself. So, why try to convince someone else of them in their own case. Another moment passes and finally, he goes for it anyway since he's not sure if she was the type to press, albeit in a lower voice.

"It doesn't completely define who you are."
exsto: (43)

[personal profile] exsto 2021-02-21 08:23 pm (UTC)(link)
He can see that his reaction is a bit of a surprise to her and he's oddly satisfied that it was. At least he is until he realizes she's using his words against him even though he knows his brain is already trying to find fault in her statement. He understands that their stories are probably not so different, but rationalizing that isn't an easy thing to do when someone's List of Bad Things I've Done seems to go on and on and on and span 50 plus years. Still, it's the fact she feels sure enough to say so that forces him to not protest and just listen.

Bucky pauses for a long moment, the struggle in his head evident by his body language; his step back and his eyes casting off before he turns fully to fetch another bag of feed all classic signs of avoidance. Almost as if he feels that he can't see himself any other way than the monster he is because he deserves the agony of knowing that.

And yet, he's still there and very present in the conversation.

"Then you also know it's not an easy thing to make yourself believe that."
exsto: (116)

[personal profile] exsto 2023-06-11 06:58 pm (UTC)(link)
The verbal confirmation helps, even if he still feels the heaviness of being alone on his darker days. It is a process that he's told will take some time to break free from, but Bucky can't seem to shake the blame and guilt he carries for what he did and the fear of becoming the evil responsible for doing it again.

Moving the next bag of feed to the trough it was going into, Bucky turned his face up to her and offers a smile.

"I was wondering, actually," he says, his tone shifting to something more spirited. "Ever since you walked up this way."
exsto: (121)

[personal profile] exsto 2023-06-12 10:33 pm (UTC)(link)
He's become a lot less acutely aware, that much was true. But that was only because of how safe he felt where he was. Away from people, judgement, government officials and anyone trying to pedal their tech for the sole reason of tracking his every movement. Even if he's still not sure he trusts that the brainwashing has been reversed, the only one he would trust is Shuri's technology.

He glances up as the bag empties and nods before straightening. "Would that be you doing it voluntarily? Or is that why you're here?" Because it isn't voluntary. There's enough in her words that explain that the plane incident and what might have come before it wasn't.

There is no digging, just curiosity.