[ Brief as it is, she catches that flicker in his expression, putting the puzzle pieces together enough to understand she'd said the wrong thing. Not that he points it out, of course; doing so would just open wounds he likely would rather not address with a total stranger. So she lets it pass — just for a moment. The humor is easier to deal with, anyway. ]
We've all died at least once around here. [ A shrug and a smile that makes it seem like that's a completely normal thing for a person to say. ] Some of us, a few times. Just because it doesn't always stick doesn't invalidate the sacrifices made.
[ Especially in their line of work, where their secrets have secrets and the cost of keeping them can sometimes be too high. Look at what happened with Coulson. His first death had cut him off from the Avengers, the team he'd helped put together, and from a woman he'd really cared about. And Bucky... He'd lost everything when he died back in the '40s. No, his name deserves to be on that wall.
Crossing her arms, she glances down for a moment, visibly weighing her words before looking up again. She can't just let it sit after all. ]
I'll tell the others to hold back on the "it's an honor" thing as much as they can. No guarantees, the Howling Commandos are chapter one of every SHIELD history book, but they'll try their best.
Well, yeah, if Jim Morita were standing here, that'd be one thing. But I'm not exactly—
[ He hesitates again. The easier thing would be to just push past it, politely wave it off and proceed to their briefing and their work and the mission — cool, professional, businesslike — but Buck's never been good at keeping it professional. He's too emotional, too hot under the collar despite that carefully-honed neutral expression that he wields by default. So the fact that he's standing here, inside the bones and belly of an organisation that he'd helped topple, the disjoint keeps sawing on all his edges.
And so he can't let it sit, either. In the end, he opts for bluntness: ]
Let's just put it this way: I was surprised to get the call. Me and SHIELD don't exactly have the best history. The Winter Soldier left a lot of agents dead.
[ He's keeping his gaze fixed on hers — with a little too intense of a stare, perhaps, but it's to resist the temptation to peer all around them at the other agents passing by. His shoulderblades are itching, just waiting for the inevitable: people to goggle, stare, point, glower. ]
[ That intense stare doesn't bother her. She meets it without hesitation, not giving in to the nagging instinct to look away. This is an important conversation that will help define their relationship; it deserves every ounce of her attention. ]
What you did as the Winter Soldier wasn't your choice. HYDRA made you into a weapon and forced you to comply. You weren't the last to suffer that fate; everyone here knows what HYDRA is capable of.
[ They can't even begin to guess at how many people were brainwashed by HYDRA over the years, forced to be soldiers against their will. And that's not even taking into account things like the Incentives Program, where people's families were taken by HYDRA and used as leverage to ensure compliance. The organizations goals and methods had both been the very definition of evil.
Her expression softens slightly, something sad mixing into the determined set of her features. This next part is just as important, especially because it's not something he's likely to already know. ]
And SHIELD owes you a debt. If we had seen what was happening and done something to stop it, then so many of the horrible things you endured might have been avoided. [ She pauses for just a moment, then pushes through. ] There were some who saw what was going on and tried to stop it, but it wasn't enough. They failed and you suffered for it. So whatever we can do to repay that debt even in some small way, we will.
[ His voice trails off, trying and failing to find the right words. It just doesn't track, like a formula that isn't adding up right. How many of her colleagues dead, just because they happened to get in the way of the Winter Soldier and his mission? He remembers flinging one of them almost disdainfully into the engine of one of the SHIELD jets; the ensuing explosion, the burst of heat at his back, the sickly smell of burning flesh, and the Soldier not batting an eye. Bucky remembers it as clearly as if he'd chosen to do it himself.
He wonders what they told that agent's family, if he had one. ]
The way I figure it, I'm the one who owes a debt, Johnson. But okay. If you say so.
[ It's clear he doesn't really believe her, but he can tell they're gonna be stuck here all day otherwise, both trying to valiantly pardon the other. He exhales a sigh. ]
Either way, guess the best revenge is for the both of us is to punch back at the people really responsible, huh?
[ That's one thing he'll have in common with anyone, at the end of the day: a desire to leave HYDRA burning in the rubble. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
We've all died at least once around here. [ A shrug and a smile that makes it seem like that's a completely normal thing for a person to say. ] Some of us, a few times. Just because it doesn't always stick doesn't invalidate the sacrifices made.
[ Especially in their line of work, where their secrets have secrets and the cost of keeping them can sometimes be too high. Look at what happened with Coulson. His first death had cut him off from the Avengers, the team he'd helped put together, and from a woman he'd really cared about. And Bucky... He'd lost everything when he died back in the '40s. No, his name deserves to be on that wall.
Crossing her arms, she glances down for a moment, visibly weighing her words before looking up again. She can't just let it sit after all. ]
I'll tell the others to hold back on the "it's an honor" thing as much as they can. No guarantees, the Howling Commandos are chapter one of every SHIELD history book, but they'll try their best.
no subject
[ He hesitates again. The easier thing would be to just push past it, politely wave it off and proceed to their briefing and their work and the mission — cool, professional, businesslike — but Buck's never been good at keeping it professional. He's too emotional, too hot under the collar despite that carefully-honed neutral expression that he wields by default. So the fact that he's standing here, inside the bones and belly of an organisation that he'd helped topple, the disjoint keeps sawing on all his edges.
And so he can't let it sit, either. In the end, he opts for bluntness: ]
Let's just put it this way: I was surprised to get the call. Me and SHIELD don't exactly have the best history. The Winter Soldier left a lot of agents dead.
[ He's keeping his gaze fixed on hers — with a little too intense of a stare, perhaps, but it's to resist the temptation to peer all around them at the other agents passing by. His shoulderblades are itching, just waiting for the inevitable: people to goggle, stare, point, glower. ]
no subject
What you did as the Winter Soldier wasn't your choice. HYDRA made you into a weapon and forced you to comply. You weren't the last to suffer that fate; everyone here knows what HYDRA is capable of.
[ They can't even begin to guess at how many people were brainwashed by HYDRA over the years, forced to be soldiers against their will. And that's not even taking into account things like the Incentives Program, where people's families were taken by HYDRA and used as leverage to ensure compliance. The organizations goals and methods had both been the very definition of evil.
Her expression softens slightly, something sad mixing into the determined set of her features. This next part is just as important, especially because it's not something he's likely to already know. ]
And SHIELD owes you a debt. If we had seen what was happening and done something to stop it, then so many of the horrible things you endured might have been avoided. [ She pauses for just a moment, then pushes through. ] There were some who saw what was going on and tried to stop it, but it wasn't enough. They failed and you suffered for it. So whatever we can do to repay that debt even in some small way, we will.
no subject
[ His voice trails off, trying and failing to find the right words. It just doesn't track, like a formula that isn't adding up right. How many of her colleagues dead, just because they happened to get in the way of the Winter Soldier and his mission? He remembers flinging one of them almost disdainfully into the engine of one of the SHIELD jets; the ensuing explosion, the burst of heat at his back, the sickly smell of burning flesh, and the Soldier not batting an eye. Bucky remembers it as clearly as if he'd chosen to do it himself.
He wonders what they told that agent's family, if he had one. ]
The way I figure it, I'm the one who owes a debt, Johnson. But okay. If you say so.
[ It's clear he doesn't really believe her, but he can tell they're gonna be stuck here all day otherwise, both trying to valiantly pardon the other. He exhales a sigh. ]
Either way, guess the best revenge is for the both of us is to punch back at the people really responsible, huh?
[ That's one thing he'll have in common with anyone, at the end of the day: a desire to leave HYDRA burning in the rubble. ]